Moments Became Memories…

by | May 2, 2014 | WORDS | 0 comments

Moments…

Memories.

You were there when I arrived into the world. Holding my little hand, I grasped tightly onto yours.

Moments…

Memories.

My 4th birthday. I wore the maroon velvet dress with the pearls and sat on your lap to blow out my candles. You held me close, wishing the best for me as I wished upon my candles.

Moments…

Memories.

The times we used to walk to Stockport road, hand in hand. I was only little then. You bought me my favourite green t-shirt with the flowers.

Moments…

Memories.

I kept my very first fast and you were cooking for Iftar when I got home from school. I was so hungry and you told me that my fast was over, handing me a date and telling me you were proud of me. The sweetest date I ever did taste.

Moments…

Memories.

We crossed the garden every morning to join you for the breakfast you so lovingly prepared every single day. We drank tea out of the golden, stripy flask. There was that special plastic sugar pot and spoon. I haven’t forgotten.

Moments…

Memories.

There was that time when I wouldn’t give up on looking for the ant that had dropped it’s bag of flour – a story you told me to stop my incessant crying. It worked. I never did find that poor ant though.

Moments…

Memories.

I saw you cry the day we lost my grandfather. Daddy and I were with you early morning. The curtains were still closed although it was light outside. You pulled me onto your lap and hugged me. I didn’t want to let you go.

Moments…

Memories.

Everyone moved house. You moved into ours and we moved away. I refused to go though, I wanted to stay with you. I got my way.

Moments…

Memories.

You cooked and gave me food to give to my teacher and the lollipop lady. Everybody loved your cooking. I probably loved it most.

Moments…

Memories.

I rang the doorbell and you opened, as you did for me everyday. I told you my SATs results.You were the first one to know. You were so proud.

Moments…

Memories.

Sleeping next to you every night and listening to late-night radio. We had that one song. I still always think of you when I hear it and the way you’d laugh when I’d sing it.

Moments…

Memories.

The night we lost my father, I saw a little part of you leave too. You were so strong; our pillar of strength. I’d never seen a relationship so beautiful.

Moments…

Memories.

Waking up from my nightmares, scared to be alone, you let me crawl back in the bed with you even though my bed was now someplace else. You made it all okay.

Moments…

Memories.

Results day again, GCSEs this time, and before I rang my mother, I rang you to tell you how well I’d done. The pride in your voice… I’ll never forget. You cried as you told me how proud Daddy would be.

Moments…

Memories.

Staying with you, just the two of us, while my aunties were away. The stories you told me. We’d laugh and cry together. I’d ask you questions, you’d give me answers. You never ever forgot a single date or detail.

Moments…

Memories.

Moving away to University, you placed a twenty in my hand and sent your prayers with me. I kissed you, kissed you, kissed you again. That was our little joke.

Moments…

Memories.

Now presenting my own show on the radio station we used to listen to together, it was Mother’s Day and I played a song from Daddy to you. It made you cry. It made me cry live on air. I came home to you and we hugged and cried together. You called me ‘bandari’ as you kissed my head.

Moments…

Memories.

You were bed bound. It broke my heart to see you in so much pain. We spent a whole week together, breakfast, lunch and dinner. I massaged your leg as you told me stories. They were the most cherished of times.

Moments…

Memories.

My 23rd birthday, we came up to the bedroom because you couldn’t come down. I made a video. “I love you Mamma, I love you Mamma.” You never used to say it back. Unless it was a birthday. “I love you too,” you said.

Moments…

Memories.

A new house for you, a new lease of life. I was so glad to see you up and about again. You hated having to depend on anyone. You made me my favourite chutney after so long. It was a miracle.

Moments…

Memories.

An orchid from me to you on another Mother’s Day. You told me I shouldn’t have and that you didn’t need anything. I told you I loved you.

Moments…

Memories.

You’d been to Nandos. I was smiling about this. You wanted to come by and see us on the way home. You kissed me twice as you said goodbye. That was the last time.

Moments…

Memories.

I watched you hooked up on that machine. Praying in my heart that you’d wake up but knowing deep down inside that you wouldn’t. They told me to go in to see you again. I couldn’t.

Moments…

Memories.

That night I prayed like I’d never prayed for anything before. I wanted the best for you. I prayed that He did what was best for you.

Moments…

Memories.

6am. 2nd May 2013. I’d just fallen asleep when the brightest, most beautiful vision of you awoke me. Then the phone rang.

Moments…

Memories.

I held your hand, still slightly warm. Unbelieving, my heart was breaking silently inside my chest. I couldn’t breathe. Time had stopped.

Moments…

Memories.

My angel. You lay there so peacefully. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful. Radiant you were, leaving this world to go back Home. I knew you would be happy there.

Moments…

Memories…

—————————————————————————————————-

When did all these moments become memories? You just don’t see the time go by.  You don’t realise when these moments become memories, it just happens. You don’t realise, but these memories become your strength one day… You open your eyes and you’re grateful, so grateful that you at least, have them.

I’m so thankful that I was lucky enough to spend so much of my life with you Mamma. All of these moments I shared with you I am truly blessed for; they are such beautiful and cherished memories that I now hold close to my heart every single day.

I miss you Mamma. Until we meet again.

“I love you Mamma.”

“I love you Mamma.”

“I love you Mamma…”

..

.

“I love you too.”

Rest in Love & Light my beautiful Angel. 

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