Turning 31 in 24 Hours
In just over 24 hours, I’ll be turning 31. And I’m sitting here alone, with a Bollywood movie on in the background, Christmas tree lights twinkling away in the corner, full of a newly acquired cold, while my two children and husband sleep in their beds.
While watching this Bollywood film, Queen – the story of a jilted bride who went on her honeymoon anyway and found herself on a journey of self discovery – I felt the urge to put fingers to laptop keys and delve into my own story of self discovery, just before I complete another sun cycle on this earth, and in this lifetime.
Firstly, I am so grateful I made it here. Not only to this age, but to this place where I am now within myself; where I live knowing that I am the master of my destiny and that God lives within me, and He is in every breath I take in, in every step that I take, in every situation that I find myself in, and in every person that I cross paths with.
I’m glad that I made it here. Through the trauma of a life-changing event that happened in my childhood and affected my adulthood for a very long time; through being brought up by toxic family members and breaking through that concrete conditioning with a sledge-hammer, and emerging through the other side; through a dark, cold period of depression where I used to pray so desperately to God every night to take me from this world; through so much pain, so many tears, unimaginable heartbreak and gut-wrenching anguish. Through learning to accept and understand life for the broken, beautiful journey that it is.
I made it through y’all. And it’s only when you look back, that you’re able to see just how far you’ve come.
I MADE IT THROUGH.
Secondly, I am so grateful for this year that has just passed, and hand on heart I can honestly say – with its very many ups and downs – it has been one of the best years of my life so far.
My year of being 30 and the whole year of 2019 was a year that God showed me my power and my purpose. It was the year of manifesting. It was the year of journeying on, deeper into myself and discovering jewels within myself that I never even knew were hidden away. It was the year of feeling absolute joy unparalleled, and the year of my entire identity and existence being shattered into a million pieces. It was the year of new beginnings, crash-landing endings and starting all over again.
Being 30, was the year of healing. Of forgiveness. Of letting go.
It was the year of formulating a dream sent to me from the Divine, and knowing that finally, my life’s mission is laid out in front of me, and I must start to walk out on the way, so that the way will appear. (2020 – I’m coming for you!)
30 was the year of realising just how far I still have to go on my journey of self-love. It was the year that showed me the true nature of humankind all over again, and taught me that despite how people may have treated me, I must always radiate love. It was the year that truly taught me that there are no friends or enemies in this existence. That we’re all mere companions, travelling on our way – connected and one, despite anything.
This last year was the year that showed me miracles – more than ever before. Absolute miracles that absolutely take my breath away. It was the year that affirmed my belief that GOD HAS ALWAYS GOT ME. He has always got me and his presence is always felt around me; His love cradling me and never letting me go. It was the year that I fell in love with God all over again, and learnt just how fragile and precious this life is, but with God by my side,once again I learned that anything is possible.
What a year it’s been.
What. A. Year.
In just over 24 hours, I turn 31. And although sometimes I sit in disbelief thinking about how quickly life speeds by in front of your eyes, I can quite honestly say I have never quite felt like I understand the game of life, the way I understand it now.
I am so grateful for all of it. For everything. Honestly, for absolutely everything.
I’m ready for you, 31. Together, I know we’re going to be beautiful.