I’m a Wuss – and I’m Grateful for it

It’s not the first time in my life I’ve been called a wuss. 

There was the time when my circle of friends at the time, over ten years ago now, poked fun at the fact that I wasn’t one to raise my fists and get in a fight when it came to resolving conflicts. 

And there was the time where we went camping in Scotland, decided to go wake-boarding in the middle of a freezing cold lake, and I couldn’t even get out of the boat and into the water – despite wearing a neon orange life jacket – simply because I didn’t know how to swim, and the fear completely took over. No-one actually said the words out loud, but from the looks on their faces, I knew they were thinking it.

So the other day, when I received my first ever barrage of hate comments on a recent video I posted on Instagram, and I saw the words ‘all you do is cry, cry, cry – you’re such a wuss! Haha’, I wasn’t really that taken aback to be honest.

After deleting the comments and blocking the account, which was quite obviously created specifically to send me anonymous public hate comments, I actually sat down in prayer and meditation and prayed for that person, whoever it was, to overcome whatever difficulties they were facing. And then after that, I thanked God for the experience and I took a sincere moment to thank whoever the keyboard warrior was, for making me realise so goddamn much about myself.

I’m a wuss?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.

If being a wuss means that I feel things – all of the good and all of the bad, all of the joy and all of the sorrow, and I get to experience life more intensely than most because of that – then yes, I am a wuss.

If being a wuss means I have fought battles since the very day I was born – some that most people don’t even know about – and I still came out the other side, alive, well and kicking, then yes, I am a wuss.

If being a wuss means that my empathy, open heart and honest soul means that I am able to connect with people, help them and empower them to overcome their pain, trauma and social conditioning, after going through all of that shit myself – then yes, I am a wuss.

If being a wuss means that I see the problems in our world and am not afraid to speak about them, in the hopes that more and more people will embrace becoming the change they wish to see in the world – then yes, I am a wuss.

If being a wuss means that I have the courage to be vulnerable, to put myself, my words, my art, heart and soul out there into the battlefield of the public domain, despite what anyone may think of me – then yes, I am a wuss.

If being a wuss means taking a life path where I take responsibility for me; where I work on my own consciousness, self-growth and spirituality every single day, then fuck yes, I AM A WUSS.

If all the above and even more, makes me a wuss, then so be it.

I am happy to be a wuss. I am grateful to be a wuss.

And I am so, so thankful to you, dear warrior of the keys, because you, my friend, YOU made me realise how fucking strong I am now. YOU made me realise how much I have overcome to get to this point today, where I am able to share my truth with the world.

You, through your little rant in the comments section of my video, have made me realise that no matter what anyone says about me or what anyone thinks of me, whereas once upon a time it meant everything, it now means nothing. 

Because I am well on my journey to loving ME. To loving all of me.

And if loving myself makes me a wuss too, then I will shout it from the rooftops that yes, I AM A WUSS – and I am grateful to be one.

And there isn’t anything you can ever do, say or type, to change that.

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